CLARAFIED BUTTER

"Mama, you stay on my mind. Mama, you're one of a kind. Mama, I'm keeping my eyes on you..." Every post I write could really start off this way. The struggle is real, I miss my Mama every day. That's despite knowing, we are as close as we ever could be. I still miss her physical presence. At least once a week, there is a moment I reach for my phone in the hopes of hearing a word from her. What I've learned is if I'm patient, the word I'd normally get from her finds me eventually. Maybe not right when I want it, but unexpectedly at a time I'm open and willing to receive it. I catch it and know it's from her. I had a stressful week, not unexpected but it had me feeling extra vulnerable. I really needed some 'Mommy love'. That look of comfort or encouragement that only your Mama could provide. I mourn that, but am aware of what I get instead. Like, my son asking me for a hug with his arms out stretched and a big kool-aid smile on h...

We just celebrated my eldest child's sixth birthday! I tend to get a little sentimental around this time because becoming a mother is the bravest thing I have ever done. This sixth birthday also means I've been successfully keeping another human alive for six years. That's major, considering how clueless I truly was, especially in the beginning!  Motherhood constantly pushes me to new limits, to places I never thought I would go and into doing things I never knew I could. Only a few people know that I have no tolerance for vomit. I haven't done it since I was twelve and I am of absolutely no use around those that need to do it. I'm quite dramatic whenever someone near me feels the urge. If someone even coughs hard, my automatic response is to stare at them to see if they produce 'the puke face,' if they do then my hands immediately cover my ears, so I don't have to hear the retching sound. I even tend to talk loud or sing obnoxiously to drown...