CLARAFIED BUTTER

As I watch Oprah interview FLOTUS on television, I am reminded of those who serve as familiar spirits in my life. I use the term familiar spirits to identify those whose spirits remind me of my Mama and make me feel as if we would be friends if the opportunity ever presented itself. My Mama was my best friend. And I believed once I had my daughter, I was beginning to become hers.  We had a moment when I was ten. We were at her fifteen year college reunion and she touched my hand and said, "Im glad to be here with my best friend." And I proceeded to ruin that moment by saying that she wasn't my best friend, though I can't even recall who I gave the title to,  I had forever ruined that moment for her. She would bring it up every now and then when she wanted me to feel shame. But then she did something magical, she reclaimed that moment and turned it into a lesson. It became her moment of CLARity, she realized then that we could never be friends. I was her child and sh...

Nobody wants to know grief but it has a way of making your acquaintance when you least expect it. The thing I hate most about grief is how unpredictable it can be. Just when I think I've accepted this reality, the smallest thing can knock me off balance like it's happening all over again. It's a struggle every day for me. I still think in some way I am rebelling against this reality just by not taking care of me. It's a hard reality to get use to, especially since she was my world. When she passed, I lost the one with the power to knock the sense back into me when it gets lost in space. She was my physical moral compass, whose disappointment in my choices was so powerful it could will me to do better, with just a glance. Her presence, her face, her voice, had the power to keep me now that it's gone I am vulnerable. Exposed in a way that has changed me irreversibly. Others notice it, even if you don't. And if you don't recognize and adapt to these chang...

It has been a turbulent few weeks. Just when I would start to write about one topic something big would happen either in the news or at home to distract me but now that we're in this controversial, post-election political climate, one topic stands out that I feel the need to address.  The onslaught of racist and terroristic acts committed in the wake of the newly elected president, has been pretty horrific. From racial slurs being spray painted on homes and other property to violent attacks like beatings and even use of acid to maim a pizza delivery guy’s face. To say this election has brought out the worst in this country would be an understatement.                 Today, as part of my own escapism ritual, I was listening to my favorite podcast, The Read . On it, Kid Fury discussed the racism experienced by the students at The University of Pennsylvania. He expressed his outrage at not only the white perpetrators of the hate crimes...

Sitting here in my living room, watching my kids wreck the house despite my screams every few minutes for them to stop.  I wonder how my Mama did it.  I  had the fear of my Mama that my kids don’t seem to possess. I also didn’t have a father around so I knew she was the be all, end all to life as I knew it. I knew that very early on and it’s an awareness that I am grateful for now.  My Mama is no longer here for me to ask questions to and hear her homespun. responses that were tailor-made for my understanding. Yes, much like Forest Gump’s Mama, mine too knew how to effectively communicate with me without making me feel less than but fully capable and often inspired. As a Mama, I often feel like a wildlife photographer, just here to study and photograph my kids, being careful not to interfere with the natural order of things only in life or death situations do I dare intervene. Even when they cry, I remember writing in my book about hearing my kid...

October 17, 2016 Life just gets in the way sometimes. Since starting this blog I have moved my whole family (husband, 2 kids and our dog) back to our home in D.C from Honolulu, Hawaii. I will not bore you with all the details and complaints I have about packing and moving in general but doing all that and moving it across the country? Yikes it was tough to say the least. Long plane ride, tired parents The worse part has been adjusting to the six hour time change. We lived in Honolulu for eight months and it was an experience. I will remember it for the rest of my life. The landscape and scenery aren't just stunning but the people are friendly and welcoming. There hasn't been a day since coming back home that I don't think about the places I loved in Honolulu but even after admitting all that, there really is no place like home! Kids running free at a playdate I instantly felt we had made a fitting decision for our family. In Honolulu my daughter couldn't...

Preface: In the title and all throughout this blog the word 'mothering' is actively used. I don't know its official origin but the first time I read it was through my favorite Mama-writer, Binahkaye Joy. In her Mommy blog she used the word so often it felt like she coined the term. Using the word 'mother' in verb form is so ingenious, why not make what we do an active term?  My name is Danielle Dominique and I am a writer. My first gig was for the APA, writing abstracts for science articles. Since then I have been trying to figure out my niche as a writer. I have been married for almost six years and have two young children and a seven year old dog named Homer.  I am NOT the Mama I always wanted to be to my kids. Truthfully,  I never saw myself married but only my husband knows why and how we work. So, with marriage came “love” and that brought about baby. My first child was born the next year of our marriage. Almost too soon but right on time in the gran...