Familiar Spirits
As I watch Oprah interview FLOTUS on television, I am reminded of those who serve as familiar spirits in my life. I use the term familiar spirits to identify those whose spirits remind me of my Mama and make me feel as if we would be friends if the opportunity ever presented itself.
My Mama was my best friend. And I believed once I had my daughter, I was beginning to become hers. We had a moment when I was ten. We were at her fifteen year college reunion and she touched my hand and said, "Im glad to be here with my best friend." And I proceeded to ruin that moment by saying that she wasn't my best friend, though I can't even recall who I gave the title to, I had forever ruined that moment for her. She would bring it up every now and then when she wanted me to feel shame. But then she did something magical, she reclaimed that moment and turned it into a lesson. It became her moment of CLARity, she realized then that we could never be friends. I was her child and she was my Mama, ours had to be a bond stronger than friendship. There were things I could say to my friends that she wouldn't allow me to say to her, not until I was long out of her house, could I cuss or show any sign of derision. But for me that moment only proved how truly naive I was. There has been no greater friend in my life. And those that I call friend now are those who in some way remind me of her.
Since her passing I seek those with spirits who resemble hers. Those women who I love but don't know, like Michelle Obama, Whoopi Goldberg, and Emma Thompson. Maya Angelou was one as well, her books and interviews continue to fill voids and inspire peace when my soul is stirred. My recognition of these familiar spirits is a blessing. It makes this grief ease a bit and allows me to truly appreciate what my Mama and I continue to have.
My Mama was my best friend. And I believed once I had my daughter, I was beginning to become hers. We had a moment when I was ten. We were at her fifteen year college reunion and she touched my hand and said, "Im glad to be here with my best friend." And I proceeded to ruin that moment by saying that she wasn't my best friend, though I can't even recall who I gave the title to, I had forever ruined that moment for her. She would bring it up every now and then when she wanted me to feel shame. But then she did something magical, she reclaimed that moment and turned it into a lesson. It became her moment of CLARity, she realized then that we could never be friends. I was her child and she was my Mama, ours had to be a bond stronger than friendship. There were things I could say to my friends that she wouldn't allow me to say to her, not until I was long out of her house, could I cuss or show any sign of derision. But for me that moment only proved how truly naive I was. There has been no greater friend in my life. And those that I call friend now are those who in some way remind me of her.
Since her passing I seek those with spirits who resemble hers. Those women who I love but don't know, like Michelle Obama, Whoopi Goldberg, and Emma Thompson. Maya Angelou was one as well, her books and interviews continue to fill voids and inspire peace when my soul is stirred. My recognition of these familiar spirits is a blessing. It makes this grief ease a bit and allows me to truly appreciate what my Mama and I continue to have.
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