The Thing About Grief...
Nobody wants to know grief but it has a way of making your acquaintance when you least expect it.
The thing I hate most about grief is how unpredictable it can be. Just when I think I've accepted this reality, the smallest thing can knock me off balance like it's happening all over again. It's a struggle every day for me. I still think in some way I am rebelling against this reality just by not taking care of me. It's a hard reality to get use to, especially since she was my world.
When she passed, I lost the one with the power to knock the sense back into me when it gets lost in space. She was my physical moral compass, whose disappointment in my choices was so powerful it could will me to do better, with just a glance. Her presence, her face, her voice, had the power to keep me now that it's gone I am vulnerable. Exposed in a way that has changed me irreversibly.
Others notice it, even if you don't. And if you don't recognize and adapt to these changes it's easy to succumb to your grief. I saw it happen with Bobbi Christina. She died in almost the exact same way as her mama Whitney Houston. As soon as it happened, I completely empathized.
And every time I see a headline or hear a news story about Kanye West and his treatment, I want to scream... LEAVE HIM ALONE!! Is nothing sacred?
I need him to get well and be well, not just because of his amazing artistry but in the memory of his mama Donda West. I wish that the media would allow him the time to get the help he needs, without making every little detail of his recovery process headline news.
Grief is tough, but so are we.
The thing I hate most about grief is how unpredictable it can be. Just when I think I've accepted this reality, the smallest thing can knock me off balance like it's happening all over again. It's a struggle every day for me. I still think in some way I am rebelling against this reality just by not taking care of me. It's a hard reality to get use to, especially since she was my world.
When she passed, I lost the one with the power to knock the sense back into me when it gets lost in space. She was my physical moral compass, whose disappointment in my choices was so powerful it could will me to do better, with just a glance. Her presence, her face, her voice, had the power to keep me now that it's gone I am vulnerable. Exposed in a way that has changed me irreversibly.
Others notice it, even if you don't. And if you don't recognize and adapt to these changes it's easy to succumb to your grief. I saw it happen with Bobbi Christina. She died in almost the exact same way as her mama Whitney Houston. As soon as it happened, I completely empathized.
And every time I see a headline or hear a news story about Kanye West and his treatment, I want to scream... LEAVE HIM ALONE!! Is nothing sacred?
I need him to get well and be well, not just because of his amazing artistry but in the memory of his mama Donda West. I wish that the media would allow him the time to get the help he needs, without making every little detail of his recovery process headline news.
Grief is tough, but so are we.
I love you my friend. The strength you have and the awareness of self and your talent for writing continue to amaze me. You are your mother's daughter and in many ways your mother. Continue being the best you, but on those days you feel like you just can't...try to be a little better than that. LYLAS
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks Bestest...I will try to be better. Love ya back!
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