Fighting the Resistance

"Mommy, can you come back to school and have lunch with me today?"

"No baby, I don't think that's allowed."

"Yesterday, some other little girl's Mommy came and ate lunch with her, so why aren't you allowed?"

"Oh, well maybe she got permission before hand to do so."

"Well can you get permission and come have lunch with me?"

"Um sure Honey, I will try."

I never try. I'm pretty sure all that's required of me to come have lunch with my child at her school is me signing in at the front desk with security. I won't tell my child that. I have no idea why I resist doing the simple things like this that will make her happy. Resisting her comes so naturally to me.

In my head, the kind of mother I always dreamed I would be is a carbon copy of my Mama but better somehow. My kids would be scholars and  high achievers because I'd constantly be engaging them with facts about their history. My reality is quite different. I don't engage as much as I'd like, I instead give them tablets to entertain themselves. They watch way too much television and have way too many fights about their electronic devices, which they both have an addiction to because they are what they know.

My son has wicked tantrums that involve throwing these devices against walls, at family members and the ground. He has single-handedly broken every hand held electronic device in our home. What they both need is more engagement from their parents. More attention, more discussion about their day, more quality time together.

So if I know that's what they need, why don't I give it?

These two little people have become the center of my world. It feels as though, every thing I do or have ever done revolves around them in some way. So by avoiding lunch with my kid, am I in someway reclaiming my recharge time? That time between 9am and 3pm that I can once again be a singular concern for myself.

I don't know if that's what I'm doing but recognizing there's an issue and then doing something about it is all I can do. I just got new Black History flashcards and have started reviewing them with the kids. My husband thinks the cards are too advanced for them but I beg to differ. Introducing them to people who have changed the world and made history at any age can only have positive affects on our kids. If not the actual information then maybe just the fact that their parents are taking the time to  share with them information, we deem important.

We have to resist the urge to let tablets be the main source of engagement for our kids, sometimes we have to insert ourselves and give them what they truly crave, our full and undivided attention.
I guess a surprise lunch visit is overdue.