CLARAFIED BUTTER

My Mama's favorite cartoon was always Peanuts.  Having watched many episodes every holiday season since I was a kid and especially now with my own kids, Charlie Brown's famous catchphrase is one that recently made me reconsider it's significance. "Good grief," was always CB's (Charlie Brown and oddly enough my Mama's initials as well) lament when things weren't going quite right but for me, the phrase means something just a bit different. When I saw these two words together at first I thought it was an oxymoron. How could any kind of grief be good? Grief in and of itself is a process that is usually difficult for everyone who has to go through it. Maybe grief can be good once you have accepted reality in all it's unfair and untimely glory. Maybe grief can be good when you realize it was all a gift, one that you didn't have to have but are thankful you did. For me I knew it was good when I was able to speak of her without crying profusel...

Thoughts of her are frequent. They come and they go as often as the days turn into nights. She is all around. I notice her in my daughter, I notice her sometimes even when I speak, I hear her in my voice. I notice her in my husband, which may seem really odd but when we married my catch phrase was that 'I had married my Mom'. It's the damnedest thing because even though I notice her, I still miss her all the while.  Like today I passed by a park we had only visited once. It was her job's picnic and we were there early to set up. We were talking and laughing as usual, when we remembered hearing about a rapist on the loose in the area, on the radio. She went into full mommy mode by taking something potentially scary and making me feel completely safe. She talked about the diabolical things she would do to anyone who tried to hurt us, something involving carving our initials into their skin. Ma was crazy but she knew just how to make me smile. So recently when I was de...

This Judge Kavanaugh case has me all messed up on the inside. Feelings I never even knew I had, have been stirred so I really want to be active in my resistance. I want to protest, I want to argue with idiots who still victim blame! I wanna hug on some women that have bravely spoken their horror stories. At the same time I'm doing all the necessary things to start a part-time position tutoring elementary students with reading. I'm both nervous and excited. I want to connect with my students and learn what they like while making reading fun. But also I'm feeling some kind of way about starting a new gig, despite my kids being in school I have always been able at a moment's notice to jump up and go to them if they were to need me. With this position I will be a few miles away, still willing to leave at a moment's notice but not able because I will be working with kids who depend on me. Then my daughter keeps dropping hints that even before I start the position, sh...

What a time to be alive! Before this very moment, the biggest controversy in the news was about a protest against police brutality in this country that got manipulated and desecrated for political gain. It's still relevant because those who are protesting get called all kinds of names including but not limited to unpatriotic. But what is patriotism? Patriotism is exaltation in one's nation and an active desire to see that nation succeed. And what I have witnessed in the past few days is no shortage of that. While watching the Senate hearings to decide if a nominated judge is deserving of the position of Supreme Court justice, Dr. Christine Beasley Ford testified against his appointment based off her personal experience with him. At times it was tough to watch but the whole time witnessing her speak, the truth I was reminded of this word, patriotism. Then the women in that elevator who confronted Senator Flake, by speaking their truth made him reconsider. To want to see yo...

 Last week I was waiting outside, on the bench at my museum, when a Black woman appeared. Her hair was brown and partially loc'd in a short afro that framed her face, she wore black pants and a red shirt with pink flip flops, she had a matching pink coffee cup and water bottle. She also was talking to herself out loud and sporadically. The whole bench was near empty but she chose to sit near me. I had earphones on, listening to music when I saw her and smiled. I didn't speak. I hadn't noticed yet that she was talking to herself. Maybe she wanted to engage with me but I couldn't hear her. I waited to observe her actions since I couldn't hear her words, nothing seemed threatening. She did get up several times, leaving her pink beverages on the bench. And I won't front for a fleeting moment, I envisioned a headline featuring myself being blown to bits by a coffee cup bomb, "Black Mama of two, blown to bits by fellow Black woman." But I shook that off qu...

When I was young, my Mama claimed I was a social butterfly. She told me all the time that I was open to make friends with anyone, being an only child for most of my formative years, I understood the need for friendships. But sometime around high school I got socially awkward. Blame it on the teen years, knowing more about the world and the veil that I once embraced, slowly being ripped from my eyes. Any of those reasons make sense, the teen years are tough. But now in my thirties I find that I've become even more awkward! If it weren't for my kids I doubt I would have too many other social interactions. I like keeping to myself and being in small informal groups of people I trust and can be myself around. Now because my kids are in school and making friends I have to engage with parents and teachers and staff. It's tough but I do what I must. That sounds harsh but I feel like I'm being warm and genuine, always genuine, maybe that's not what my vibe is giving off t...

This has been a remarkable time in the entertainment industry, specifically in films and television. With more platforms being offered than ever before, means more opportunities to tell stories from a variety of perspectives. I am hopeful that the momentum will be ongoing, which will help folks from all demographics feel honored instead of ignored. I can only imagine what positive effects it will have on our children and the generations to come, but what was unexpected was the effect it's having on me. Being a child in the eighties and nineties was great, I look back on it with fondness. Though there wasn't much diversity. On television there were mostly white ensembles with one or two people of color. I credit shows like Family Matters, Cosby Show, Sister, Sister and  Living Single for being the reflection of Blackness that I needed. Little did I know that I could feel represented even more with a specific television character. Tasha "Tastee" Jefferson on the sho...