CLARAFIED BUTTER

It's been a challenging couple weeks. First, my baby girl got strep throat and had to be out of school for a week. Then directly after that me and my whole family got a mysterious respiratory infection-like illness that mainly had us coughing up copious amounts of phlegm. It was awful because initially it was painful to cough or talk or breathe even! Then it took away our appetite and our ability to taste food! We still don't have our appetites' quite back yet but not being able to delight in the foods that bring us comfort? Despicable! So we were out for a good two weeks, whatever it was I never wanna see her again! Now we are dealing with allergy season and her relentless assault on my son's eyes and face! Not even Benadryl seems to be enough, his poor eyes are so red and runny. He has the stuffy nose and sneezing, needless to say my Boo has the blues and I feel so frustrated with myself! I knew from last year how serious his allergies were and I had bought everythi...

"SHUT UP!" The words haunt me now. Much like the phrase that can still be found on t-shirts, "I can't breathe!" While she was on the gurney in the ambulance pleading for some help to breathe, I was pleading too, begging for someone to help her. The paramedic never did anything. He claimed the truck wasn't equipped. So once she gathered all the oxygen she could summon, her last words to me were, "I LOVE YOU!" As loud and as strong as I had ever heard the words from her mouth. It felt like a huge boulder being thrown at me, like she really needed me to know it. It took every ounce of strength out of her and I responded, "Shut up." It was practically whispered in comparison, but I promptly apologized and told her, "I love you too".  I just didn't want her to spare, precious breaths on a sentiment that I had felt my whole life. There isn't much that I know more than my Mama loves me. It's been the basis...

You know how when you read or hear something and you FEEL IT. You find a kind of contentment that you didn't even realize you needed. Simply because someone has found a way to express what you also feel. I remember first experiencing this in 2002, when I heard Lauryn Hill's song "I Gotta Find Peace of Mind". When Sis sang, "To finally be in love and know the real meaning of, a lasting relationship, not based on ownership, I trust every part of you 'cause all that you say, you do. You inspire me to be the higher me, you make my desire pure." I had never heard anything so beautiful in my life. I felt every part of these words and the fact that she was able to put them in a song, still mystifies me. So today when I read the words "visceral cellular loss" I lost it! A new way to express the anguish of the loss of my Mama. At this point it feels as if it's an all consuming event that has absolutely transformed, reshaped, overtaken, domi...

I feel so happy, my birthday is coming up soon. I don't know why this year feels different, I want to celebrate seeing another year. A year of being with my kids, being in love and genuinely confident about us. I have more physical ails but I'm here and thankful for every second, every minute, every hour, every day I am here taking up space, doing what I love, in the city I love, blessed with this family and these friends who truly inspire me. I feel very rich! I know what I love and who I love and they know it too. I want to accomplish things like my book but also make lasting contributions to the world. I would love to work for an organization specifically motivated with elephant conservation. I also enjoy being a tutor and helping kids read better. It's fulfilling work, I teach but I also learn so much. So Friday is Ma's 64th birthday and Saturday is my 37th. I told my Bestest a long time ago that I wanted to dance to Ma's favorite song at her favorite spot in ...

Why is it so difficult for us to stick together? How come we judge us the harshest? I've wondered these questions since I first heard of Black slave owners and warring tribes in Africa selling each other out to be shipped and sold and made into slaves. It's our biggest sin. It's what has been our demise and what will continue to be our greatest shame if we let it. This Jussie Smollet case has really shone a light on what ails us. Folk came out and chastised this man from the beginning, not believing him when he said he was attacked? Taking the word of the Chicago police department because they put a Black man on the podium and verbally charge him as a criminal? The same department that covered up the case of Laquan McDonald just a few years ago. Now we suddenly TRUST the police? Hmmm. He wanted more money from his show? Really? His family had a show in the 90s, he's been in numerous films, had released a book with his family and an album and had just got off tou...

"Relax, relate, release." This is a chant I recalled from an episode of A Different World , when Whitley needed to achieve calm she would say it for relief from her moment of stress. There's so much going on in my world right now. Like my husband is starting a new job and attending training in Texas for almost a week, after a few months of working I'm noticing my own challenges and trying to improve them for my students, and finally a letter I got from my son's teacher really got me in my feelings.  I have avoided being a single mother, all of my parenting years. When I say single, I mean sole parental provider for consecutive spans of time. When my husband would leave for work overseas for a full week every now and then at his previous jobs, I would retreat to my Mama's house where both my child and I would get pampered and shown so much love and comfort, I'd almost forget about missing my hubby! Parenting is such a tough job, having that other paren...

I love listening to my favorite podcast, The Read . Much like my obsession with Beyonce, my adoration for the show Steven Universe was acquired through osmosis and much convincing from the hosts Kid Fury and Crissle. They were who initially suggested that it could be substituted for therapy if one were open to it and ever since season 2 when I got hooked, it has been my sanctuary. In the show Steven is the product of a fusion between a human and a diamond gem from another planet called Home World. His parents Greg and Rose were in a relationship but once she became pregnant with Steven she knew she couldn't coexist with him on Earth. So she made him a video that attempted to explain her absence and offer Steven comfort. Though Greg had to raise him without Rose, he acquired a family of gems that helps him. Steven, a 14 year old hybrid, spends much of the series trying to figure out his purpose and how he can help those in need. He struggles with having to figure out who hi...